Voriks Adventure In WonkaLand
by BewilderedFemale
Summary: Vorik finds that Willy Wonka bears a striking resemblance to B'Elanna. While Bochra discovers that life as an Oompa Loompa is much more gratifying than he expected.


**I wrote this story on a whim because I was watching Charlie and the Chocolate factory and realized how much B'Elanna resembles Willy Wonka (Johnny Depp version) C'mon.. you know she does….anyway, I thought it would be awesome to do a crazy-ass crossover for it. This story is just for fun, written during a moment of madness.**

"**Voriks Anventure In WonkaLand"**

Featuring everyone's favorite Romulan, Bochra.

Also guest stars: Lady of Southern

* * *

Vorik was a poor little Vulcan, running around the engineering room of the Voyager ship, always being talked down and yelled at by the woman who he secretly lusted for in his heart.

One day while she was talking about piping schematics, he had allowed himself to wonder what it would be like to run his fingers through her hair, it was so short and bouncy. Then his stare focused on the ridges on her forehead, he wanted to run his tongue along those ridges, and then drag his teeth along her...

"Vorik? Have you been listening to me?"

"Lieutenant?" He asked.

She huffed angrily and began yelling: "Vorik! What use to me are you if you can't even listen to what I'm saying lately? What's wrong with you?"

"Forgive me, I have been working for approximately 12 hours and 13 minutes and have not yet meditated today." He began.

"I'm sending you down to the planet's surface after you get some rest. I think being in this ship day in and day out is making you weirder than you normally are."

"I assure you that I am capable of staying here in engineering Lieutenant." He began.

"That's an order!" She countered, to which he lowered his head and whispered a: "Yes lieutenant." Before getting ready to depart.

The next day he made his way to the transporter room. There before him stood a tall, brunette woman who oddly enough called herself: "Lady of Southern" On occasion he had sat with her during the meal times and conversed with her. She was like the average human female whose heart was inclined to illogical romanticism. She had a mate who called himself: "The Goblin King" at first he did not know what to think since humans had the distasteful habit of sometimes making jokes at his expense. He had been called a goblin himself once or twice but once he had actually seen her mate, he came to understand why.  
He had wild yellowish hair and always referred to Lady of Southern as his Queen. Humans were mental, particularly this pair, so he made sure to stay away from them and stood all the way in the back after he greeted them.

He thought he had made a clean get away but they were suddenly standing next to him.

Lady of Southern was the first to speak: "I'm so excited! Aren't you Vorik? We're going to a candy factory!"  
He sighed before looking at her. "Candy is a rather toxic substance that can cause a variety of illnesses, particularly in humans ranging from tooth decay to something as extreme as diabetes. It is illogical to base happiness on visiting a place that manufactures the product that caters to such demise."  
He finished as he folded his arms in front of him.  
Why was he actually going down to the surface again? He wanted to be in engineering where B'Elanna was, he had been thoroughly enjoying fantasizing about her, much more than he would ever openly admit.

"Vorik, you sound unhappy, I thought you would be looking forward to some time away from work." The Goblin King said, why was he holding a staff and wearing a cape? What exactly were they planning to do once they got down there? It was probably better not to ask.

"Don't worry honey." The Lady said to the Goblin King. "I have a feeling that once Vorik goes down to the surface and experiences the factory for himself, it will be a life altering experience he will never forget."

He raised a brow, still folding his arms in front of him as if he were sulking. "That is highly unlikely!"

OoOoOoOoOoOoO

Once they beamed down, everyone except for Vorik gasped out loud at the sight of the factory. Vorik however, was unimpressed for he could not see how someone would dedicate so much effort and space on something so disruptive as candy. The gates opened on their own accord and it wasn't long before a man wearing crushed velvet suit and a top hat came hobbling over to them.

_An effect from all the candy no doubt. _Vorik thought to himself, the young man was practically crippled and then suddenly, he looked as if he was about to fall forward, Lady of Southern even stepped forward as if to catch him but he flipped forward and made a perfect landing.

"How very good to meet you all!" He said enthusiastically as he jumped up into the air.  
The man had much enthusiasm but just then Vorik stilled as he looked carefully at the man.. His hair, his expressions reminding him so much of…. He shook his head. He desperately needed to meditate, that much was obvious, to compare a man to….

"So good of you all to come and take a tour of my factory; I never have visitors, please, please; step inside then!"

As soon as they entered Vorik began to feel… different. It smelled strongly of chocolate, so strong it was as if he could almost taste it. His vision began to waver somewhat as he looked over at Mr. Wonka, he was smiling at him.  
"My, I do believe this is the first time I have ever met a Vulcan face to face! Gosh darn it! This is exciting!" He said as he clicked his heels.  
Vorik simply remained looking at his hair, chestnut brown, a slightly lighter tone than B'Elanna's, his skin, so smooth, how was that possible?

"Hey Vorik, are you alright?" Lady of Southern asked.

"Yeah!" The goblin king chimed in. "You look like you're deep in thought."

"Perhaps we just need to walk around a bit." Vorik said as he shook his head.

"Al righty!" Mr. Wonka said as he began walking in a very fast pace. "Keep up! There is much to see!"

They had to bend over in order to enter the door, but once they were inside, it was vast, and the site itself was enough to make Vorik almost lose control of his bowels for in front of him lay the impossible. A waterfall made completely out of chocolate; it was beyond anything he understood. The smell causing his pupils to dilate, his mouth watering, and it must've been making him hallucinate as well since off in the distance he could see tiny people with green hair walking along the chocolate river banks.

"They're little people!" Lady of Southern said in shock. "Are they real Mr. Wonka?"

"Of course they're real! They're Oompa Loompas!"

"Oompa Loompas?" Both Lady of Southern and the Goblin King exclaimed in unison. Mr. Wonka smiled in turn. "From Loompa Land."

Vorik shook his head as he was barely able to reply: "There's no such place!"

"I beg to differ Mr. Vulcan! For I.." He suddenly stopped as he looked at him, his breath hitched slightly.

"Mr Vulcan, why are you looking at me as if I were a scrumdiddlyumcious bar?"  
Suddenly, Vorik grabbed him by the arm and brought him closer to him, then raised a hand and ran his fingers through his hair, it was smooth.. he imagined that her hair was very similar in feel. He inhaled; it smelled like chocolate, and peanuts; he groaned loudly. Why was B'Elanna not there? Why couldn't it be this easy to have her?

"Uhhh Mr. Vulcan, if you could let go of me for just a second, I can introduce you to the Oompa loompas!"

He didn't want to be introduced to the Oompa Loompas, especially that stupid looking one that was much taller than the rest. Vorik took a good look and realized that the creatures physique was very similar to his own and he began approaching him. He was wearing white overalls, and rainbow knee high socks, using some sort of vacuum to scoop up the candy apples from the trees. He was wearing a green wig that honestly made him look like a female; it was quite ridiculous in Vorik's opinion.

When Willy realized who Vorik was approaching, he chuckled. "That's Bochra! My main Oompa Loompa! I rescued him from a melting palace that had been made entirely of chocolate, several women of different species were apparently there with him, and even though I could only bring him here, I struck a deal with him that if he came and worked for me, he was welcome to all the female Oompa loompas he wanted, so long as they were not married.  
Vorik suddenly envisioned Bochra chasing after the small, green haired Oompa Loompas as they giggled and ran away from him, it was… amusing.

Bochra winked at Willy before saying: "Leaving something out Mr. Wonka? About how you're dying for me to rock your world… yeah. Don't deny it, but you can't touch this!" He said as he turned around and shook his firm exterior in an exaggerative manner for all to see.

"Bochra, please.. .not right now." Willy said in a warning tone.

"I gotcha Willy." He said as he winked, but then he looked over at Vorik and his eyes narrowed. "Who brought the Vulcan?"

"Now, now Bochra, they're .." Willy began.

"Hey Vulcan, come have a look at this chocolate waterfall, how bout we go swimming?"

As if completely hypnotized, Vorik felt himself nodding: "That is logical, for swimming is a good form of exercise." He began to take off the top part of his uniform.

"Mr. Vulcan, please!" Willy said as he approached him, but then his eyes flew wide when Vorik looked him in the eyes and said: "B'Elanna!" He then placed a hand on his face. "You will be my bond mate, but first, let us shed our clothes and go swimming in the chocolate river!"

"That's right!" Bochra encouraged. "And meanwhile, I'm just going to show this lovely lady around." He looked at Lady of Southern and took her hand in his before he brought it to his lips and gave it a gentle kiss. "My, you're lovely, how about we get out of here and…"  
Bochra was suddenly struck by a staff, some goofy humanoid with crazy yellow hair stepped in.

"Guinevere is mine!" He exclaimed.

"Guinevere?" She exclaimed as her face got red. "Who the heck is Guinevere?"

His eyes lit up and he blinked furiously as he realized he had been caught, Bochra all the while giving him a vicious smile. "I.. I .. Meant you my love, my Southern Lady of course!"

"You said Guinevere! I thought!"

"Hey, I know a Guinevere!" Bochra chimed in. "She was so hot for me too, couldn't keep her hands off of my gorgeous Romulan body."

"WHAT!?" Lady of Southern yelled angrily.

"Come, come now my dear." Bochra said as he took her hand and led her away from the poofy haired, cape wearing wonder. "The chocolate here has been known to cause temporary madness, I'm sure his previous declaration means nothing! Just ask Mr. Wonka himself, he too knows of what this chocolate is capable of doing, right Mr. Wonka? Mr. Wonka?"

They turned around and saw that both Willy and Vorik were nowhere in sight and suddenly there was a loud splash.

Lady of Southern gasped loudly. "Oh my gosh! They fell into the river!"

And sure enough, soon they could see Vorik and Willy floating above, their bodies completely covered in chocolate and they could hear Vorik speaking to Willy and saying: "B'Elanna, I have always awaited a moment where we could do this together, come, let us swim!" Followed by Willy replying: "Ok Mr. Vulcan, this sure is fun!"

Bochra slapped his forehead and brought out a whistle from his pocket, immediately one of the female oompa loompas appeared before him, a mischievous smirk on her face as she twisted her green hair around her finger.  
Bochra shook his head. "No, no.. I don't need that right now. I called you because Wonka and the Vulcan need to be removed from the river, clean them up and make sure the Vulcan is taken back to the ship, there's only so much chocolate his anatomy can take."

The oompa loompa nodded and suddenly a tube-like structure appeared and immediately sucked Vorik and Willy up and away from the river.

"I guess we should be going to." Lady of Southern said. "The Goblin King here and I need to have a serious discussion!" She said angrily as she looked at him.

"Hate to be in your shoes right now, there's nothing worse than feeling the wrath of a scorned woman." Bochra said to the Goblink King. He then turned to Lady of Southern, pulling her away from the Goblin King so they could talk in private.

"If you ever want to drop the loon over there, here's my comm number." He said as he handed her a slip of a candy wrapper with his number on it. "Call me, I'll show you a rockin' good time." He said as he winked at her. He suddenly straightened up and cleared his throat.  
"Well then, I'll take you to the beam up point then."

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

"Well Ensign, I see that you're looking a lot better! I take it the trip to the planet's surface did you some good?" B'Elanna asked as she looked over at Vorik. There was a strange spring in his step, and he seemed to have a new energy he didn't have before.

"Yes, I must concur that the trip was needed."

She patted his arm and smiled. "I knew you just needed some time off, there's hope for you yet ensign!"

He waited until she turned away before he allowed himself a small smile. _Indeed_….


End file.
